Friday, November 28, 2008

the charge is: apathy

we should all be arrested
based on our moral laws
the holiest religious man
preach a word that never was
cuz we do not actualize it
we pretend to be good
human beings are parasites
and i wish that i could
say "no, not me"
but i too am swallowed by apathy

living on the edge is the song that plays
shame is hardly felt these days
as connected as the world can be
with mass media and satellite tv
this story hardly made the news
nobody wants to walk in those shoes
i wish i could say, no, not me
but the truth is the truth
even if i don't want to see
we live the crime of apathy

November 25, 2008

Monday, November 10, 2008

Desperation's Child

I walked the stones with Jesus
felt the crushing cross
I drank hemlock with Socrates
and barely felt the loss
I saw the stars with Nicolai
and saw the world go 'round
and felt the condemnation of
the people that I found

stare into the fire
see the dancing flame
minutes become hours
nobody's to blame
everyone's just afraid
to admit or face fear
so sacrifice the truth sayers
so no one is aware

we're all just selfish children
looking out for our own
never finding what we're looking for
cuz it can't be found alone
we're all just lonely children
bitter about our fate
but let's pretend that we don't die
as if the truth can wait

I felt the fire with Moses
and carved the words in stone
I touched the stars with Pericles
and took the fall alone
I saw energy with Albert E.
saw beyond time and space
and felt the emptiness swallow
the hope of the human race

and all there was left
was insecurity
fear of everything
no identity
everyone just gives up
because everyone else does
and pretend the truth sayers
message never was

we're all just selfish children
looking out for our own
never finding what we're looking for
cuz it can't be found alone
we're all just lonely children
bitter about our fate
but let's pretend that it's alright
as if the truth can wait

and I sang with John and Paul
watched the tears, heard the screams
and I prayed with every Pope
felt the fears, felt the need
I am desperation's child
nothing left to say
once I grew free and wild
then I was defiled
now I slowly fade away
I am desperation's child
nothing left to say

-2004

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Conversion

she plays a dangerous game
with a lot of trap doors
she doesn't give a name
she just asks for more
she takes you deep inside
and her seductions complete
you're left defenseless
set for defeat

then she asks you to change your whole life
and way of thinking
and you wonder what you've been smoking
what you've been drinking

she plays a passionate game
with a smile so sweet
she gives her body away
if you will be discreet
she takes you deep inside
her seductions complete
you're left defenseless
set for defeat

then she asks you to change your whole world
and way of believing
and you wonder what you've been doing
what you've been receiving

her body's a temple
and you've walked right in
but to stay with her
conversion begins
embrace her religion
or she'll walk away
if only she mentioned that
yesterday

she plays a spiritual game
that starts with falling in love
she gives you ecstasy
all you've been dreaming of
she takes you deep inside
her seductions complete
you're left defenseless
set for defeat

then she asks you to change your whole world
and way of living
and you wonder what you've been getting
what you've been giving

she plays an amazing game
her beauty melts your heart
her passion burns you up
but that is just the start
she takes you deep inside
her seductions complete
you're left defenseless
set for defeat

then she asks you to change your whole world
and way of being
and you wonder what you've been loving
what you've been seeing

her body's a temple
and you've walked right in
but to stay with her
conversion begins
embrace her religion
or she'll walk away
if only she mentioned that
yesterday
2000

She was beautiful ...

she was beautiful
the strongest voice
and I fell in love
I had no choice

she came to my town
and took care of me
I pushed her away
so she wouldn't see
the scars on my soul
the hate in my heart
for all I had lost
had torn me apart

I blamed everyone
who gave me a smile
I cursed every hand
who had any style
I dug in my heels
and would not let go
of the hate I could feel
that's all I could know

she was beautiful
the strongest voice
and I fell in love
I had no choice

she washed out my wounds
offered me comfort
tried to relieve me
of all my hurt
I was too far gone
oh what can I say
the harder she'd try
the harder I'd push her away

nobody knows
how it came to blows
blood pressure rose
that's how blood flows
nobody cared
to understand
now I'm in the can
and she's part of the land

she was beautiful
but the strongest voice
was the hate inside me see
... I had no choice

Punch 'n Judy

Mystery Men

I wonder who they are
these mystery men
that scare up a storm
then vanish again

I wonder where they are
these offensive beasts
who steal innocence
and laugh at the feasts

I wonder what they are
these villians of time
who haunt the spaces
of yesterday's minds

I wonder when they are
trying to take control
and how the prophets know
their cruel secret goal

I wonder why they are
so very hard to see
maybe they don't exist
except in fantasy
1998 / 2000

The Givers

so who counsels the counselor
when the rains falls in her mind
who brings warmth to the poet
when he's run out of rhyme
who embraces the infant
when she just cries and cries
who really cares if life is
a stacked deck full of lies

so who comforts the parent
when the kids all feel need
who brings food to the artist
when he paints what he bleeds
who will hold the baby
who always wants to be held
who will make sense of it
when nothing seems to meld

who welcomes the alien
when he is from nowhere
who brings wine to the singer
when her voice isn't clear
who is true in their heart
are you in love or fear
who won't abandon truth
just to fit in here

1999

Let Her Go

she doesn't know how to love you
she just knows how to use
she hides in her black hole
she was abused
she is not completely to blame
she is confused
she thinks cuz she is scarred
she is excused

she knows how to be beautiful
how to play on your needs
she doesn't read the same books
everyone reads
she lives by her own rules
thinks that all men are fools
tells herself she can do anything
because she bleeds

she doesn't know what love is
but she knows how to seduce you
she opens her black hole
and you fall right in
she is not completely at fault
original sin
she depends on your desires
and you think you win

she knows how to be irresistible
how to play on your needs
she doesn't read the same books
everyone reads
she lives by her own rules
thinks that all men are fools
she blames you for her pain
because she bleeds

let her go
before you are lost inside
the black hole of her fires

let her go
before you have lost yourself
in your own secret desires

let her go
before it's too late to know
where you end and where she begins

let her go
cuz you're gonna lose
thinking you win
2000

Song for the Control Freaks

Will you please just fuck yourself
and stop fucking with me
I don't want your grief
and you say you don't want mine
so stop trying to change me
and I'll leave you alone
it's hard enough to make it
in this world out on my own

I don't need your rules
I don't need your corrections
I don't need your judgments
I don't need your doubts

I don't need your duels
I don't need your rejections
I don't need your nudges
I don't need your shouts

I don't need your anger
I don't need your fear
I don't need your worries
can I be more clear?
I don't need you here

so will you please take care of yourself
and stop taking it out on me
I don't want your grief
and you say you don't want mine
so stop trying to control me
and I'll leave you alone
it's hard enough to make it
in this world out on my own

you don't own me
stop acting like you do
you don't rule me
stop telling me what to do
you don't have your own life together
so stop trying to get into mine
we're different findamentally
that's the bottom line

so why can't you accept it
why do you keep trying
to sell me your rule book
don't you see I'm not buying
you can get as upset as you like
but you can't control me
so will you please just fuck yourself
and stop fucking with me

I don't need your rules
I don't need your corrections
I don't need your judgments
I don't need your doubts

I don't need your duels
I don't need your rejections
I don't need your nudges
I don't need your shouts

I don't need your anger
I don't need your fear
I don't need your worries
can I be more clear?
I don't need you here

no matter what you do or say
I won't be the way you want me to be
so will you please just fuck yourself
and stop fucking with me
2000

i

i may have lost my senses
i probably lost my mind
i forgot how to understand
i learned how to be blind
i felt myself go under
i think i was unkind
and i destroyed the very thing
i set out to find

October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mizndrstood

but she never truly understood
though intentions were purely good
I know she did the best she could
or at least the best she would
the best she thought she should
we're not made of wood
you know
a garden struggles to grow
even ignored
that's what it's for
to grow
and who will read all the words
and who will hear all the songs
and who will walk all the miles
and who will right all the wrongs
and who will believe it is possible
and who will figure out how
and who will be the one in the end
and who will be do it right now
who will be the one right now
who will truly understand
and take my hand
to walk with me to create
wonderland
it is not found on TV
or at the movies or in things
it is not found in others
it is found playing on heart strongs
and it can be expressed in songs
maybe, if the words ever come out right
but it is found in the secrets shared
in the deepest time of night
in the secrets shared
within your inner light
wish somebody truly understood...
and who will read all the words
and who will hear all the songs
and who will walk all the miles
and who will right all the wrongs
and who will believe it is possible
and who will figure out how
and who will be the one in the end
and who will be do it right now
who will be the one right now
who will truly understand
and take my hand
to walk with me to create
wonderland

Mizndrstood

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

What it will be

the room spins in the shadows of the ceiling fan
the dust settles fast as it blows
the story is written in blood on the stones
the truth is told nobody knows

poets praise prophets and prophets curse poets
and pirates raid profits for fun
lovers and losers and lasers and liars
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no difference between us
even as we struggle for identity
there is no magical purpose
even as we pride for posterity

there is no heaven in waiting
even as we grovel toward eternity
there is no ultimate meaning
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me

and what we make of it will be
what it will be

the great ball of fire in the sky gives life to all
the dust settles as fast as it lives
the story is written in ash on the fields
the truth is what nobody gives

preachers praise saints and saints stay silent
as pirates raid pulpits for fun
holy and sinners and winners and saviors
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no reason to go on
even as we fight for our victory
there is no virtue or value
even as we pose for our history
there is no great final reward
even as we pray for humility
there is no grand design
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me

and all we feel and see
and what we make of it will be
what it will be


October 8, 2008

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

uncomfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i say
my back still bends
my hand still shakes
and we're still friends
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i do
to change this state
to bring relief
to stop this wait
what can i be
but what i am
even if you could
understand

i am still sitting alone on that highway
i am still sitting alone on that day
i am still sitting alone on that bridge to nowhere
between anywhere and there, what can i say?

i was so sure
i understood
and i could do
some real live good
but then alone
helpless and cold
i felt it break
i became old

what can i say
i don't move on
from anyone
when hope is gone
breathing
believing
and grieving
a better ending

what can i say
i don't want to hide
lie or be denied
every day i've cried
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

is this all i am
or all i've become
an old empty man
between sad and numb
still standing on that bridge to nowhere
dumbfounded and cold
watching it all crumble as if frozen
in time and space infinifold

and i just walked in from dinner
with the closest friend i know
and before that had a beer or two
with sort of friends i know
and before that played a softball game
and all of that was fun
it's been twenty six hours since i've been here
it's been ninety six months since i've been there
it's been thirty six years since i shed the first tear
and it still feels like it's only just begun

what can i saythis memory weighs a ton
what can i sayi wonder if i really have fun
or if i have just learned
to enjoy whatever
comfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting

what have i become?
a man inside a dream?
a dream inside a man?
a child inside playing
comfortably numb

seems like forever since that day
and it still feels like it's only just begun

-October 15, 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

butterfly without a care

she flits upon my deepest wounds
a butterfly without a care
hesitation taunts my doubts
what's wrong with me, why won't she share?

but she was not even aware...

-October 12, 2008

Saturday, October 11, 2008

to believe

wanting to believe
afraid to believe
hoping to believe
staring without words

October 3, 2008

if the phone would ring

if the phone would ring, would I answer
or would I stare at it wondering why
or would I sleep through the sound I long to hear
afraid it's another good-bye

if the phone would ring, would I remember
or would I distract myself with a pie
or would I run away to some place all alone
waiting for this body to die

is my heart already dead
silence echos in my head
and ambivalence rules my time

all the words I may have said
like some ancient moldy bread
linger petrified within rhyme

it doesn't seem to matter
connections breaking down
redundancy becoming
the death of a clown
and no one seems to notice
like the homeless on the street
step aside and carry on with life
there's no one here to meet
or greet

if the phone would ring, would I pick up
or would I forget I can even try
or would I ignore the sound that I long to hear
afraid it's another good-bye

if the phone would ring, would I even notice
or would I play with myself on the fly
or would I linger longer some place all alone
waiting for this body to die

is my heart already dead
silence echos in my head
and ambivalence rules my time

all the words I may have said
like some ancient moldy bread
linger petrified within rhyme

it doesn't seem to matter
reflections of a frown
a life alone becoming
the death of a clown
and no one pays attention
like the homeless on the street
step aside and carry on with life
there's no one here to meet
or greet

and still as silent as the deafest ears can hear
a soft refrain in a cold mist slowly echos near
is it hope for something thought to be left far behind
or is it just another pill meant to cure my ailing mind

if the phone would ring, would it matter
there is no way to be sure
the phone can ring somewhere else now
I don't have one any more
I don't have one any more

2004-02-12

Friday, October 10, 2008

broken mold

and who sings you to sleep today
who fills your night with song
how much life gets in the way
do you find where you belong?

does he get to you where you are most true
would he die for you if you needed him to
would he give up everything and let himself go
guess if you never ask, you don't need to know

so who sings you to sleep tonight
who fills your night with song
do you ever feel something is missing
do you ever feel something is wrong?

that's alright, you be a good girl
listen to the man and do as you're told
be all you are part of the human world
the best we can do is get old

dreams can't be bought, but they can be sold
dreams you can buy aren't worth nothing
it's best we do as we're told

compromise may be good for the soul
unless it's the song that you sing
that has to be sold

when you're left out in the cold
you don't want the broken mold
it's best to do as we're told

October 8, 2008

Friday, October 3, 2008

the After Blog

when all the blogs
are writ and done
and all have gone to bed
there is still so much more
writing going on in my head
and sometimes i just lay down
counting stucco on the walls
but sometimes i come here to share
what i hear in late night calls
the after blogs, after all the blogs are done
when there is still hunger for more fun
the after blogs, when the others are fast asleep
when there are still idea that just won't keep
you'll find them on the tree of madness
and on the left side of right
if you know where to look
maybe i'll see you tonight
if you know where to look

September 21, 2008

and the tears almost come

the tears almost come
and then i sneeze
must be thinking truth
and i almost fall
to my knees
praying for my youth
the years don't return
and then i laugh
must be thinking absurd
and i almost sing
but my voice
doesn't find a word
i've never felt this broken
or afraid of things i've done
i've never felt this unsure
or wrong and it's no fun
the tears almost come
and then i sigh
must be bored with myself
and i almost wish
for the end
of the book on my shelf
the dust hides the titles
and then i laugh
must be thinking insane
and i almost feel
something else
but i still find pain
i've never felt this awful
thoughts in my mind weigh a ton
i've never felt this sorry
or wrong and it's no fun
and the tears almost come

October 2, 2008

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

to a creek

you remind me of a creek
I used to walk along
that formed the border of Etobicoke and Mississagua
with my faithful dog
who was put to sleep by my family
after I did not return
much against my will

you remind me of the snow
I used to slide around
the rolling hills behind the house above the creek I recall
with my faithful heart
that was put to sleep by my family
after I did not return
much against my will

you remind me of the rain
I used to dance within
as it turned the gentle creek into a raging foaming storm
with my faithful dream
that was put to sleep by my family
after I did not return
much against my will

you remind me of the Spring
I slid into the creek
that formed the border of Etobicoke and Mississagua
with my faithful life
that was put to sleep
by my family
after I did not return
much against my will

----

Limits of Endurance

pushing past the limits of endurance can be done in many ways
in a few moments of fiercely vigorous exertion
after days without sleep
in love
even years of focusing on a single conundrum
pushing the limits of endurance can be done in many ways
and you can some times hear it when the music plays

all I have done at one time or another
reaching for bliss, rising against, conquering pain
all I have known at one time or another
and I feel I'm bound to know them all again

pushing the limits of endurance can be what this life is about
in a moment of experiencing peak epiphany
living beyond a hundred
in life
maybe the last thing a person has ever done
pushing the limits of endurance is how we prove we were here
it's in every new idea, every conquered fear

I have done it all at one time or another
reaching for bliss, rising against, conquering pain
I have known it all at one time or another
and I feel I'm bound to know them all again

but what gives it meaning, a purpose, a cause
what gives it feeling that before never was
how do we know it, we show it, we share
how do we tell each other that we care

pushing past the limits of endurance can be done in many ways
but when you give it a reason, your define you
giving it all you've got
in you
even after you've been torn up by your sacred friends
pushing the limits of endurance can drive a saint mad
maybe that's why so many prophets are sad

god is a monster, god is a dream
god is a devil that can not be seen
god is dog backwards, god is not real
god is the last thing that you'll ever feel

pushing past the limits of endurance can break a man down
but what does it all mean if no one can explain it
beaten and left for dead
and lost
maybe the only thing worth anything in this world
pushing the limits of endurance just to prove we're here
do we need to kill ourselves as well as it appears
just to find the courage to believe someone cares

I have done it all at one time or another
reaching for bliss, rising against, conquering pain
I have known it all at one time or another
and I feel I'm bound to know them all again

but what gives it meaning, a purpose, a cause
what gives it feeling that before never was
how do we know it, we show it, we share
how do we tell each other that we care
-lovewarp

My Perfect Fantasy

do you take your lips for granted
do you know what they can do
the dreams they can inspire
the hope for kissing you

do you know the way you melt me
when you smile or when you pout
it may seem like nothing to you
but it's what I'm all about

do you take your legs for granted
do you know what they can do
the fantasies within them
do you even have a clue

do you know the way you send me
to the dark side of my mind
for I'm afraid you won't like me
and laughter won't be kind

and I try to look away
to forget that you exist
I don't want to creep you out
with my dream of being kissed
and I try to stay away
but you are my fantasy
what can I say, what can I do
you are a magnet to me

do you take your eyes for granted
do you look right past your soul
do I imagine the depth I see
as you look at me and I lose control

do you know the way I see you
as the answer to my prayers
and now that I have confessed this
do you wonder at my stares

I will come no closer
than this word
and if this does not please you
I will act as if you never heard
but if you are ever lonely
or just want to feel adored
know that you are worshipped
that is what I'm here for

and I try to look away
to forget that you exist
I don't want to creep you out
with my dream of being kissed
I will learn to stay away
you are just my perfect fantasy
I will be anything
you want me to be
and if you wish
I will act as if you never knew
you are a magnet to me
you remain my perfect fantasy
-2006

Can I have your children?

can I have your attention
I have a serious question
please take this seriously
you do something to me

I want to let it all go
let me let the whole world know
tell me that we can begin
can I have your children

can I have your children
can I have that part of you
I want to feel you growing in me
love can not be more true

can I have your children
just tell me what to do
I will do anything to be
the one to be with you

can I have your attention
please have no apprehension
I'm ready to die for you
I will see anything through

I want to let it all come
let me beat on the last drum
tell me our song can begin
can I have your children

can I have your children
may I have that part of you
I want to feel you growing in me
love can not be more true

can I have your children
just tell me what to do
I will do anything to be
the one to be with you

I will weather any storm
cover you and keep you warm
I will take the blows freely
to protect our family my promise is beyond the end
to be your lover and your best friend
and if you ever want to leave
I'll not stand in your way
I will grieve
but I will always believe
you are the greatest gift anyone can receive

can I have your children
may I have that part of you
I want to feel you growing in me
love can not be more true

can I have your children
just tell me what to do
I will do anything to be
the one to be with you
2001

Dream Lover

did you know I was with you
every night
long before I ever knew you
were alive

you are my dream lover
every night
you are the one and only reason
I survive

every night you come to me
to sing a siren's song
every night I come to you
and gently sing along
as I explode with passion
and rocket off to sleep
I know nothing can mean as much
or touch me as deep

can you feel me with you
every night
long before you ever knew
who I was

I am your dream lover
it's alright
the fantasy of romance
time's great pause

the screaming silence
the gentle peace
eternal passion
perfect release

every day we run around
paying all the dues
looking for the meaning of life
hearing all the news
watching all the lonely people
pairing off in twos
wondering if anyone
really gets the clues

the deepest feeling
what we will die for
the insatiable
do anything for more
beyond pride
nothing can hide
the intensity
consumes infinity

can you feel it coming
every night
from the very first moment
till the end of time

I am your dream lover
it's alright
the fantasy of romance
symbiotic rhyme

the screaming silence
the gentle peace
eternal passion
perfect release

every night you come to me
to sing a siren's song
every night I come to you
and gentle sing along
as I explode with passion
and rocket off to sleep
I know nothing can mean as much
or touch me as deep

the deepest feeling
what we will die for
the insatiable
do anything for more
beyond pride
nothing can hide
the intensity
consumes infinity

dream lover
become real
dream lover
all we feel
dream lover
coming true
dream lover
me and you
2001

Paper Fantasies

you are reading these words right now
or am I dreaming?
you can't get enough of me
you keep reading

you're falling in love with my words
you're fantasizing
it's getting too much to bear
you're realizing

you must reach for more
you look at the phone
you push off the fear
you hope I'm alone
you ask to meet me
you want to share it all
without even knowing
how far you might fall

these are paper fantasies
you are sharing here with me
in our imagination
we fit together perfectly

in our paper fantasies
you are living here with me
and feel the sensation
touching each other in places no one else can see
living our wildest dreams in paper fantasies

you know you've been seduced
now or are you dreaming?
you can't get enough of this
you keep reading

you're falling in love with the words
you're fantasizing
it's getting too much to bear
you're realizing

you must have me now
if just for one time
if just for one moment
we must share a rhyme
you come up behind me
you turn me around
you open yourself to me
and we leave the ground

these are paper fantasies
you are sharing here with me
in our imagination
we fit together perfectly

in our paper fantasies
you are living here with me
and feel the sensation
touching each other in places no one else can see
living our wildest dreams in paper fantasies

leave the real world for a while
or come and make it real
you know where you can find me
you know how it can feel
make these paper fantasies
more than just dreams inside
press yourself against me
till there's nothing left to hide
some things can not be denied

these are paper fantasies
you are sharing here with me
in our imagination
we fit together perfectly

in our paper fantasies
you are living here with me
and feel the sensation
touching each other in places no one else can see
living our wildest dreams in paper fantasies

make paper fantasies
you are sharing here with me
more than imagination
come touch in reality

make our paper fantasies
as real as they can be
and feel the sensation
touching each other in places no one else can see
living our wildest dreams of paper fantasies
living our wildest dreams, once paper fantasies
living our wildest dreams, no longer paper fantasies


these are paper fantasies
you are sharing here with me
in our imagination
we fit together perfectly

in our paper fantasies
you are living here with me
and feel the sensation
touching each other in places no one else can see
living our wildest dreams in paper fantasies

2000

Stories

been to the top of the universe
been to the bottom of life
had an angel envelope me
had a black hole suck my soul

was a high riding free wheeler
was fast asleep on the street
and I'm still just barely learning
'bout this life, about my role

I don't think I'm here to save the world
or even save myself
I'm not built for heavy politics
or wishing wells
I don't want to be a leader
I just want to be a friend
and share this life with someone who
knows true love does not end

just a child with simple dreams
just exploring all the extremes
and still alone going my way
still haven't found someone to play
up or down in mud or gold
what I want can't be bought or sold
so money has no meaning to me
so most people just let me be

I'm not here to reach for glories
maybe to tell a few stories
bought the people at the top
who push and squeeze until the drop
or some few street surviving fools
somehow slipping between the rules
don't pretend to know from right or wrong
I just want to sing my song

I don't think I'm here to teach anything
just maybe learn myself
I'm not built for holy reasons
heavens or hells
I don't want to be a leader
I just want to be a friend
and share this life with someone who
knows true love does not end

someone who wants to hear my stories
someone who will tell me more
another child who knows true love
knows no ceiling, wall, or door
whether I'm well scrubbed and dressed up
or I look like the bottom of life's cup
what I want is someone to look in my eyes
and see what's real... and what matters
... the truth without life's lies

I don't think I'm here to save the world
or even save myself
I'm not built for people to follow
or to ring bells
I'm not better than anyone
and I'm not any worse
I just want to sing my life
and write another verse

life is full of long short stories
I just want to share some
with someone who can share true stories
whatever will come
I don't want to be a star
I just want to be a friend
and share this life with someone who
knows true love has no end

2000

Friday, September 26, 2008

what's the point (for lack of a title)

what's the point of fighting
when all i want to do is love
when the purity of innocence
is still the dream i dream most of

what's the point of returning
any negative energy
when what i want most is to live
sharing positivity

you can call it turning the other cheek
you can call it stupidity
but what's the point of fighting back
when that only hurts you and me

those foolish games were breaking my heart

so maybe you hated me because
i was only perfect in my words
in my intentions
so maybe you baited me because
i stopped trying, was i lying
or asking questions

so maybe i wanted you to do for me
what i knew i had to do for myself
and vice versa
but all the words in the world
and all the worlds in the words
are just rehearsal

i remember a time i'd listen to
jewel's pieces of you
and cry as i'd be wailing
the words to every song

i remember a time i'd listen to
elton's made in england
and cry as i'd be wishing
the words did not go wrong

i remember a time i'd listen to
the telling's blue solitaire
and i'd be promising and believing
that is where we belonged

i remember a time i'd listen to
billy's honesty
and cry as i be praying
someone would hear the words

but everyone failed to notice
or at least nobody cared
to come around and relate to
the feelings i shared

or tried to share
but we know it's true
i didn't share
cuz sharing takes two

once i used to sing
from my heart, from my soul
i did not care how it would sound
it just made me whole. . .

just let it out
whatever it's about

get to the bottom of what's bothering you
it will not break me
tell me what will ease your mind
tell me what will mend your heart
tell me whatever you need to tell me
i won't fall apart
i thought you knew from the very start what made my world go 'round
i believe in love,
it's all i've got

so what's the point of fighting
when all i want to do is love
when the purity of innocence
is still the dream i dream most of

what's the point of returning
any negative energy
when what i want most is to live
sharing positivity

you can call it turning the other cheek
you can call it stupidity
but what's the point of fighting back
when that only hurts you and me

September 26, 2008

fools in wonderland

once upon a time
this would have turned me on
deeper than sensual
beyond etherea
lsomething i feel is long gone

once upon the time
this would have inspired
such a flood of words
beyond the bees and birds
deepest dreams desired

but now i think the words are stale and cold
now i feel the muse is growing old
giving up or just resting
or pretending it's nesting
could it be because the soul was sold?

even in my dreams i am lonely these days
i don't really listen when the music plays
i don't trust the outside world anymore
i've gotten use to sleeping on the floor

and i woke to discover
i had lost my dream lover
and i'm not sure if i want to care

i live deep inside my head
where kaleidoscopes are fed
i love deep inside my head
where i can hear what i never said

and if i never come out
i will leave the world with doubt
was i ever really as sure
as i seemed to be sometimes
deep within my rhymes

i don't have to be anything for anyone outside of myself
and but i can dream i am
understand

once upon a time of never ending
i lived in a rhyme of real pretending
alive awake and dreaming
whatever could it mean?
something about something about friending

and if nobody believes me
and even you doubt who i am
i'll be throwing a party inside
understand
no one here but us fools in wonderland

no one here but us fools in wonderland

September 25, 2008

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Title Song (part one)

and maybe another time we'll hear the music
and maybe another time we'll write a song
and maybe another time we'll find what we're looking for
has been right here beside us all along
and maybe another time we'll fall in love
and maybe another time we'll share all we're dreaming of
and maybe another time we'll let all our secrets out
and maybe another time is what we're all about
another time, another place, another rhyme across your face
another smiles, another tear, another chance just disappears
another time, another story, another way to give into fear
as if the risk of rejection is worse than the loneliness
of all these wasted years
maybe we'll continue another time
and maybe another time
will appear
and we'll be here
and we'll be here
and we'll be here...

November 8, 2006

when I should be asleep ...

when I should be asleep
I dream of you
when I have dates to keep
I run for you
when all the world is on their track
and they tell me I can't go back
I believe every word is true
and still I sing to you

when all the people pray
I pray to you
when all the children play
I play for you
when everything is said and done
I believe we have just begun
and every little thing I do
I still do it for you

there is no end
to a love this true
call me mad
I don't care
what the world may do

there is no end
they don't have a clue
if they think
love stops
they've never loved you

when I should be asleep
I dream of you
when I'm in too deep
I'm in it for you
when all the world calls sweet success
a way to buy their happiness
I believe every word is true
and still I sing to you

when all the people dance
I dance for you
when true lovers romance
I think of you
when everything is tried and through
I believe we are something new
and every little thing I do
I still do it for you

there is no end
to a love this true
call me mad
I don't care
what the world may do

there is no end
they don't have a clue
if they think
love stops
they've never loved you

and in the end there is no end to love in me for you
and in the end there is no end to love that is so true
and in the end there is no end to this dream of you
and in the end there is no end to everything I do
I still do it all for you
all for you
all for you

when I should be asleep
I dream of you

December 15, 2006

in love

I left my heart so long ago
in my imagination
now Deepak talks of imaginal cells
beyond human sensation
and butterflies offer a laugh
as tears drown inspiration
just because nobody near
cares
I left my hope so long ago
in my procrastination
when Gandhi talked of selfless acts
and love's emancipation
I bought into a savior's crossing
with holy proclamation
but all I found was nobody
shares
it's a give and take world with everybody taking
and all my giving leaves me empty inside
it's a disillusioned child with a heart still breaking
still looking for a magic carpet ride
and all the half-hearted efforts to give up
to accept the apathy that is the norm
doesn't seem to work for me, there is no holy cup
that brings me comfort in the current storm
what do you want?
what do you want?
I waste my time with these words
are your ears open?
do your eyes see?
what do you believe is me?
what do you want?
what do you want?
why do you come to these words?
what can you relate to?
do you know what is true?
what do you want to do?
who are you?
and what do you want to do?
I left my dream so long ago
in tortured isolation
now Rumi talks of whirling spells
and holy copulation
and caterpillars shed a tear
for human population
a race lost in lies and despair
fears
I left my faith so long ago
in rational revelation
now holy talk of heaven and hell
is sad self-mutilation
does anyone live without fear?
in innocent elation
laughing at the masks everyone
wears
it's a give and take world with everybody taking
and all my giving leaves me empty inside
it's a disillusioned child with a heart still breaking
still looking for a magic carpet ride
and all the half-hearted efforts to give up
to accept the apathy that is the norm
doesn't seem to work for me, there is no holy cup
that brings me comfort in the current storm
but I don't want to play that game anymore
the happy child inside wants to laugh again
trying to fit in to belong to not be alone
is a waste of time in a world of pretense
so keep your promise of tomorrow
living in your world of sorrow
as if this is not the place to be
you are wasted from the start
when fear and lies fill your heart
truth is nothing when you will not see
how can you be trusted?
when you don't take responsibility
how can you be trusted?
when you condemn your own ecstasy
how can you be trusted?
when you live for some future fantasy
how can you be trusted?
when you ignore your own reality
what do you want?
what do you want?
I waste my time with these words
are your ears open?
do your eyes see?
what do you believe is me?
what do you want?
what do you want?
why do you come to these words?
what can you relate to?
do you know what is true?
what do you want to do?
who are you?
and what do you want to do?
I don't want to be no prophet
I don't want to be no sage
I don't want to be no savior
no guru ahead of my age
I don't want to be no genius
I don't want to be above
I don't want to be no poet
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be in love
I just want to be
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love
in love...
I left my love so long ago
in betrayed veneration
self-pity and apathy
replaced inclination
joined the web of wasting time
mental masturbation
acute alliteration
self-mocking frustration
synaptic undulation
irreverent aeration
human beneficiation
rhyming affectation
revered imitation
yeah
yeah
yeah
but after all is said and done
I just want some harmless fun
and to share honesty
in reality
and I just want to share
how much I can care
without fear…
and with
honest appreciation
living jubilation
pure emancipation
free invigoration
true actualization
infinite suaviation
creative inspiration
passionate exultation
and playful relaxation
in love
in love
in love - I just want to be
in love
in love
in love - I just want to be
in love
in love
in love - I just want to be
in love

October 13, 2007

Monday, September 22, 2008

Real

I don't believe it
when no one is here
I don't accept it
on blind faith anymore
for I've known betrayal
and nothing that offers proof
you could say I see that the house of truth
of humanity has a leaky roof

you can say you want me
from far away
and it titilates me
for a moment or day
but I don't even hear
words you might say
for actions correct my perception
come what may

actions leave permanent marks
words fade away

you can say you love me
from where you areand it stimulates me
but still just so far
for nobody loves me
in life today
here in the physical world
the truth comes to stay

now is all there is to share
past fades away

so I don't believe it
when no one is hereI don't accept it
on blind faith anymore
for I've known being alone
and nothing stays to share
you could say I see that the house of love
of humanity is not really there

you can tell me the truth
your mind can know
and I might believe ituntil you go
but what's everlasting
is what stays
the feeling you know in your heart
when your song plays

feeling is all that is real
all else fades away

so look me in the eye and take my hand
show me in your way you understand
if you want me as you say you do
you will make your words real and true

or I won't believe it
it's up to you

now is all there is to share
actions prove we are here
feeling and showing we care
every moment every day
now are you really here?
all else fades away

Real

My Indifference

After all we've been through from
beginning to end
from the highest of highs to the bottom
and then
to believe in the promise of forever,
friend
how are we back to this moment again?
Was true love just a fantasy
were we addicted to intensity
crossing over to insanity
losing our humanity.
How can we lose touch
when we cared so much
can we care too much?
living dying queen and king
lost within the songs we'd sing
now you return and you tell me
that you are ready for anything.
But in all your vast experience
Maybe the one you were not ready for
was indifference.

-2003-10-20

Saturday, September 20, 2008

If only

if only i wasn't so lonely
i'd write a little song
but by myself i only
long to sing along

if only i wasn't so empty
i'd have much more to share
if only i love you meant me
i'd learn how much i can care

-September 18, 2008

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Cuz

no i can't go to toronto
cuz they won't let me in
cuz what i did to canada
must be more than a sin
i raped all their women
then i raped all their men
but when i got to raping moose
that's when they locked me up
and theni raped all their prisoners
then i raped all their guards
but when i raped the warden's beaver
that's when they came down hard
they took me to niagara falls
and put mt in a boat
and shot a dozen holes in it
just in case it could float
they waited till the time was right
just after a hard rain
and set me off to fly or drown
or simply go insane
oh canada
you really were a pain

......no i can't go to romania
cuz they won't let me in
cuz i don't have a passport,
sheesh,you'd think that was a sin
but i don't believe in nation states
or the practices they preach
so i can't go to romani
aalas, no nadia comaniche
and no i can't go to budapest
for they want papers too
so i'll just invite pernickety here
and leave budapest for you
but in the end...i can not go a lot of places
my travel places all fail
but one place i can surely go
is straight to hell - or jail
so surely i'll come visit you
we'll have a big yard sail
there's no place left that scares me now
for hell, i've been with gail



September 2008

Untitled # 2

the first time I breathed
I mean truly breathed
to know what breathing is
and all it can be

the first time that I breathed
to know what life's about
the first time that I breathed
was into your mouth

a breath upon which love can grow
the breath of life, the breath of love
a breath that only lovers know
and all others only dream of

your lips met mine, our tongues entwined
the air in your lungs flowed into mine
and then returned, still feeling fine
shared breathing into the divine
sweet time feeling sublime

the first time I breathed
and knew all breathing could be
was the first time
you breathed into me

-2007-07-01

untitled # 1

it starts with the letting go
there isn't much else to know
still we make a world of labels
just to pass the time

and when compromised by fear
common sense may disappear
so we make a world of fables
pretty them with rhyme

so the children will believe
the ways that we deceive
ourselves in our world of cables
in search of the divine

addicted, or so it seems
to dreaming impossible dreams
what we bring to our tables
is only bread and whine

still we fight to make more of nothing
cuz we're afraid to embrace the something
so fiercely we avoid the real
we forget we know how to feel

and we live in the lie that is holy
and we become wasted roly-poly
so we don't have to touch the skin
of the body we're living in

and spiritually sanctified
to be desensitized
we become homogenized
and then weakly feign surprised

when our individuality
lost in our great conformity
magnificent society
malevolent insanity
malignant hypocrisy

*with editorial licence
2007-01-10

Mad Insane

love is an addiction (not an affliction)
love is a prediction (not a benediction)
I would like to thank you for painting the endless fall into
the bottomless bit (that's just the start of it)
the words can play and cut and bleed and rain and torment as
they feed
love is a commitment (not just a commitment)
the losing of one mind into the dream of another
(or just words we read)
you know when it is true when everything you do
revolves around the one who leads you to
say I'd happily go mad insane with you.

*some editorial licence taken
-2007-01-11

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Empty

empty heads
pouring empty words
into empty air
complaining
needy hearts
pouring needy words
into needy air
begging
begging for guidance
begging for help me help me
I'm dying inside
begging for anything
begging help me help me
so dissatisfied
constant complaining
breathing negativity
seeking validation
sucking you in
constant sucking you in
constant whining for help
constant begging for more attention
just say it's all right
say you agree
say it is right
insecurity
as if there is no life beyond
the few people who respond
but the root of all the ills
is a lack of social skills
she cries out
silently
saying talk to me
somebody please
talk to me
he complains
constantly
saying believe me
somebody please
validate me
they cry out
repetitively
saying the same things
somebody please
please save me
oh just shoot me if I have to stay here one more night
the insecurity is blocking out all of the light
the neediness is diving me and swallowing me
in pieces drained of energy
and I'm afraid I'll become just another whining uptight
constantly complaining and begging for attention all through the night
begging for guidance
begging for help me help me
I'm dying inside
begging for anything
begging help me help me
so dissatisfied

Carol without Strings

on the back of a xmas carol I write this song...

I suppose I could have forced you in spite of yourself
all I had to do was support you and take all your abuse
I suppose I could have heard you when you said you were a bitch
and all you ever knew was using men like mindlessly scratching an itch

i could have gotten through a lot sooner than this
before I hit the street so hard
you know I made you the queen of everything
and you wanted more, but you couldn't handle being god

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings

I suppose I could have been stronger in spite of myself
all I had to do was grow up more and rise above your noose
I suppose I could have broken you instead of letting you break me
but you were already so damaged inside that I just let you take me

it could have been much less dramatic than this
before so much life passed by
you know how precious time is to me
and you wanted it all but you couldn't handle eternity

such a waste of time
such a waste of love
did it make you better
to watch it burn?
ashes to ashes
in your wake
will you ever know you are less
with every heart you break
the more you give the more you are
you only have what you take

I'd rather be than own
that is being free... and home
I'd rather give than take
that is knowing love... awake

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings
lost in your fear you may never hear
or know just what is wrong
but maybe someday you will understand
so on the back of a xmas carol...
I wrote you this song

-February 6, 2008

A rhyme

you seem to want to fit me into your life
the question is where and how far
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, penetration is not something to be taken lightly

though humor is my favorite sword and shield
it is also filled with great insight and is my saving grace
sanity is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors

i might say i almost feel comfortable with you
but i must admit i feel comfortable anywhere
i wonder if i still flinch at the thought of unconditional trust
after all, suicide is not something to be taken lightly

within the humor lies a simple puzzle
though still intricate and as complex as you want it to be
peace lives deep within the irreverence
i wonder where you find yours
and what lived (or died) during your past wars

shall we ignore the attraction?
say it is all in my mind?
sometimes safety in numbers is still not as safe
as staying alone

shall we ignore the affection?
say we don't want to give?
sometimes shutting down is still not as safe
as going all in

when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
that is a rhyme

you seem to want to find a way to rhyme with me
the question is how and how much
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, imitation is not something to be taken lightly

though logic is my favorite song and dance
it is also filled with great mystery and controversy
consciousness is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors

when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
i'll go for unconditional trust and honest love
one more time...
that is a rhyme

-September 7, 2008

Like This

so how can i hate you
when you love me like this
how can i forget you
when you remind me of what i miss
how can i continue
when you begin and end me
how can i hate you
when you up-end me like this

so how can i love you
when you're so far away
when you sleep with your husband
was that something wrong to say?
how can i stop laughing
when you tickle me so well
and how can i sleep
when there are still more stories to tell

but just like that i';m gonna stop now
just to prove i have learned how
cuz maybe the most precious kiss
is leaving it open-ended like this
like this
like this
like this

-September 13, 2008