uncomfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i say
my back still bends
my hand still shakes
and we're still friends
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i do
to change this state
to bring relief
to stop this wait
what can i be
but what i am
even if you could
understand

i am still sitting alone on that highway
i am still sitting alone on that day
i am still sitting alone on that bridge to nowhere
between anywhere and there, what can i say?

i was so sure
i understood
and i could do
some real live good
but then alone
helpless and cold
i felt it break
i became old

what can i say
i don't move on
from anyone
when hope is gone
breathing
believing
and grieving
a better ending

what can i say
i don't want to hide
lie or be denied
every day i've cried
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

is this all i am
or all i've become
an old empty man
between sad and numb
still standing on that bridge to nowhere
dumbfounded and cold
watching it all crumble as if frozen
in time and space infinifold

and i just walked in from dinner
with the closest friend i know
and before that had a beer or two
with sort of friends i know
and before that played a softball game
and all of that was fun
it's been twenty six hours since i've been here
it's been ninety six months since i've been there
it's been thirty six years since i shed the first tear
and it still feels like it's only just begun

what can i saythis memory weighs a ton
what can i sayi wonder if i really have fun
or if i have just learned
to enjoy whatever
comfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting

what have i become?
a man inside a dream?
a dream inside a man?
a child inside playing
comfortably numb

seems like forever since that day
and it still feels like it's only just begun

-October 15, 2008