Mizndrstood

but she never truly understood

though intentions were purely good

I know she did the best she could

or at least the best she would

the best she thought she should

we're not made of wood

you know

a garden struggles to grow

even ignored

that's what it's for

to grow

and who will read all the words

and who will hear all the songs

and who will walk all the miles

and who will right all the wrongs

and who will believe it is possible

and who will figure out how

and who will be the one in the end

and who will be do it right now

who will be the one right now

who will truly understand

and take my hand

to walk with me to create

wonderland

it is not found on TV

or at the movies or in things

it is not found in others

it is found playing on heart strongs

and it can be expressed in songs

maybe, if the words ever come out right

but it is found in the secrets shared

in the deepest time of night

in the secrets shared

within your inner light

wish somebody truly understood...

and who will read all the words

and who will hear all the songs

and who will walk all the miles

and who will right all the wrongs

and who will believe it is possible

and who will figure out how

and who will be the one in the end

and who will be do it right now

who will be the one right now

who will truly understand

and take my hand

to walk with me to create

wonderland

Mizndrstood

What it will be

the room spins in the shadows of the ceiling fan
the dust settles fast as it blows
the story is written in blood on the stones
the truth is told nobody knows

poets praise prophets and prophets curse poets
and pirates raid profits for fun
lovers and losers and lasers and liars
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no difference between us
even as we struggle for identity
there is no magical purpose
even as we pride for posterity

there is no heaven in waiting
even as we grovel toward eternity
there is no ultimate meaning
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me

and what we make of it will be
what it will be

the great ball of fire in the sky gives life to all
the dust settles as fast as it lives
the story is written in ash on the fields
the truth is what nobody gives

preachers praise saints and saints stay silent
as pirates raid pulpits for fun
holy and sinners and winners and saviors
all fall at the sound of the gun

there is no reason to go on
even as we fight for our victory
there is no virtue or value
even as we pose for our history
there is no great final reward
even as we pray for humility
there is no grand design
there is only you and me
in this moment
you and me

and all we feel and see
and what we make of it will be
what it will be


October 8, 2008

uncomfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i say
my back still bends
my hand still shakes
and we're still friends
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

what can i do
to change this state
to bring relief
to stop this wait
what can i be
but what i am
even if you could
understand

i am still sitting alone on that highway
i am still sitting alone on that day
i am still sitting alone on that bridge to nowhere
between anywhere and there, what can i say?

i was so sure
i understood
and i could do
some real live good
but then alone
helpless and cold
i felt it break
i became old

what can i say
i don't move on
from anyone
when hope is gone
breathing
believing
and grieving
a better ending

what can i say
i don't want to hide
lie or be denied
every day i've cried
hoping
dreaming
wanting
a better ending

is this all i am
or all i've become
an old empty man
between sad and numb
still standing on that bridge to nowhere
dumbfounded and cold
watching it all crumble as if frozen
in time and space infinifold

and i just walked in from dinner
with the closest friend i know
and before that had a beer or two
with sort of friends i know
and before that played a softball game
and all of that was fun
it's been twenty six hours since i've been here
it's been ninety six months since i've been there
it's been thirty six years since i shed the first tear
and it still feels like it's only just begun

what can i saythis memory weighs a ton
what can i sayi wonder if i really have fun
or if i have just learned
to enjoy whatever
comfortably numb

what can i say
my eyes still tear
my heart still breaks
and i'm still here
hoping
dreaming
wanting

what have i become?
a man inside a dream?
a dream inside a man?
a child inside playing
comfortably numb

seems like forever since that day
and it still feels like it's only just begun

-October 15, 2008

butterfly without a care

she flits upon my deepest wounds
a butterfly without a care
hesitation taunts my doubts
what's wrong with me, why won't she share?

but she was not even aware...

-October 12, 2008

to believe

wanting to believe

afraid to believe

hoping to believe

staring without words

October 3, 2008

if the phone would ring

if the phone would ring, would I answer
or would I stare at it wondering why
or would I sleep through the sound I long to hear
afraid it's another good-bye

if the phone would ring, would I remember
or would I distract myself with a pie
or would I run away to some place all alone
waiting for this body to die

is my heart already dead
silence echos in my head
and ambivalence rules my time

all the words I may have said
like some ancient moldy bread
linger petrified within rhyme

it doesn't seem to matter
connections breaking down
redundancy becoming
the death of a clown
and no one seems to notice
like the homeless on the street
step aside and carry on with life
there's no one here to meet
or greet

if the phone would ring, would I pick up
or would I forget I can even try
or would I ignore the sound that I long to hear
afraid it's another good-bye

if the phone would ring, would I even notice
or would I play with myself on the fly
or would I linger longer some place all alone
waiting for this body to die

is my heart already dead
silence echos in my head
and ambivalence rules my time

all the words I may have said
like some ancient moldy bread
linger petrified within rhyme

it doesn't seem to matter
reflections of a frown
a life alone becoming
the death of a clown
and no one pays attention
like the homeless on the street
step aside and carry on with life
there's no one here to meet
or greet

and still as silent as the deafest ears can hear
a soft refrain in a cold mist slowly echos near
is it hope for something thought to be left far behind
or is it just another pill meant to cure my ailing mind

if the phone would ring, would it matter
there is no way to be sure
the phone can ring somewhere else now
I don't have one any more
I don't have one any more

2004-02-12

broken mold

and who sings you to sleep today
who fills your night with song
how much life gets in the way
do you find where you belong?

does he get to you where you are most true
would he die for you if you needed him to
would he give up everything and let himself go
guess if you never ask, you don't need to know

so who sings you to sleep tonight
who fills your night with song
do you ever feel something is missing
do you ever feel something is wrong?

that's alright, you be a good girl
listen to the man and do as you're told
be all you are part of the human world
the best we can do is get old

dreams can't be bought, but they can be sold
dreams you can buy aren't worth nothing
it's best we do as we're told

compromise may be good for the soul
unless it's the song that you sing
that has to be sold

when you're left out in the cold
you don't want the broken mold
it's best to do as we're told

October 8, 2008

the After Blog

when all the blogs

are writ and done

and all have gone to bed

there is still so much more

writing going on in my head

and sometimes i just lay down

counting stucco on the walls

but sometimes i come here to share

what i hear in late night calls

the after blogs, after all the blogs are done

when there is still hunger for more fun

the after blogs, when the others are fast asleep

when there are still idea that just won't keep

you'll find them on the tree of madness

and on the left side of right

if you know where to look

maybe i'll see you tonight

if you know where to look

September 21, 2008

and the tears almost come

the tears almost come

and then i sneeze

must be thinking truth

and i almost fall

to my knees

praying for my youth

the years don't return

and then i laugh

must be thinking absurd

and i almost sing

but my voice

doesn't find a word

i've never felt this broken

or afraid of things i've done

i've never felt this unsure

or wrong and it's no fun

the tears almost come

and then i sigh

must be bored with myself

and i almost wish

for the end

of the book on my shelf

the dust hides the titles

and then i laugh

must be thinking insane

and i almost feel

something else

but i still find pain

i've never felt this awful

thoughts in my mind weigh a ton

i've never felt this sorry

or wrong and it's no fun

and the tears almost come

October 2, 2008